By: Kathy Hubbard
A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 89 percent of U.S. adults feel stressed during the holiday season, with 41 percent reporting higher stress levels compared to other times of the year. The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that 64 percent of those living with mental illness feel that their conditions worsened this time of year.
McLean Hospital is a leader in psychiatric care, research, and education and is the largest psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. Their website says, “There are a variety of reasons why your days may not be merry and bright around the holiday season. It can be the jam-packed social calendar, deadlines at work, the loss of a loved one, sunless winter days, or all of the above. There are ways in which we can prepare ourselves and hopefully deflect some of the increased stress of the holidays. It’s important to realize that we do have more control than we think we do.”
They identified six common issues that can occur during the holidays. At the top of the list is lacking the “holiday spirit.” This can be true for so many of us who don’t feel the joy that the actors in seasonal television programs and commercials portray.
“The pressure to be social, happy and present can make it difficult to speak up if you feel otherwise. You may also feel left out if your spiritual traditions aren’t the dominant ones on display this time of year,” McLean says.
Possibly easier to say than do, you should recognize that you don’t need to force yourself to be happy. Acknowledge your feelings and remember you’re not alone in feeling this way. Surround yourself with like-minded people, and make new traditions if the old ones are, well, old.
“If you are living with grief, loss, trauma, or loneliness, it can be easy to compare your situation to others’, which can increase feelings of loneliness or sadness. Take time to check in with yourself and your feelings and have realistic expectations for how the holiday season will be,” McLean advises.
Let your friends and family know how they can support you. Your loved ones won’t know what to do unless you tell them. If they’re no help seek out a grief support group like those offered by Bonner General Community Hospice (208-265-1179).
Next up, you’re feeling pressured to participate in activities and want no part of them. The easy answer is to just say no. You can choose when to celebrate and with whom. However, it may be a good idea to try to see others’ points of view and to acknowledge that they may be feeling stressed as well.
McLean says, “Prioritize the most important activities or schedule get-togethers for after the holidays. Make a schedule of when you will do your shopping, baking, and cleaning. And be sure to schedule time to take care of yourself. Regardless of your plans, it can be helpful to communicate intentions to friends and family early, so everyone knows what to expect.”
Now you’re stressed about giving gifts. The endless commercials and internet pop-ups are getting to you. McLean says, “Giving to others is not about spending money. And of course, what goes along with setting realistic expectations is maintaining a budget and being transparent.” Often the gift of your time is more priceless than any store bought item.
The fifth issue is the weather. Many of us get gloomy when the days are short, and the weather is grey. “Outfitting your home with warm, bright lighting can help improve your mood. Many traditions this time of year incorporate candles and twinkling lights for a reason,” McLean says.
And finally, if you’re feeling alone or isolated, reach out. Invite a neighbor for coffee. Stop by the Senior Center. Volunteer at the Food Bank. Call a long-lost friend or family member.
“If you feel hopeless, have suicidal thoughts, or changes in appetite and sleep patterns, talk to your primary care provider,” McLean says. Remember to call 988 or go to the emergency department if you’re thinking that ending your life is a solution.
If your malaise continues after the holidays and you need a PCP to talk to, call BGH Family Clinic 208-265-2221.
Kathy Hubbard is a member of the Bonner General Health Foundation Advisory Council. She can be reached at kathyleehubbard@yahoo.com. This article was written for publication in the Bonner County Daily Bee on December 4, 2024.
