By: Kathy Hubbard
When someone says to you, “I think this world would be better off without me,” or words to that effect, what do you say? Most of us might react with words like, “You gotta be kidding, right?” or “Get over it, you’re fine.” But that’s actually not what you should say.
It would be better to say, “I really care about you, and I’m concerned about what you just said. Can we talk about it?” Although having this type of conversation is difficult, you could be saving a life.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reminds us that talking about suicide isn’t harmful – silence is. “One honest conversation can be a turning point in someone’s life.”
Suicide is among the leading causes of death in the U.S. It is a major public health concern. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide was the eleventh cause of death, taking over 49,400 people in 2022 (the last year I could find statistics which I’m sure haven’t gone down). And think about this, nine out of ten people who attempt suicide will not go on to die by suicide. Suicide is preventable.
NAMI says we should all know the warning signs and risk factors of suicide. Warning signs include increased use of alcohol or drugs; aggressive behaviors; withdrawing from friends, family and community; dramatic mood swings, and impulsive or reckless behavior.
“Suicidal behaviors are a psychiatric emergency,” NAMI explains. “If you or a loved one starts to take any of the following steps, seek immediate help from a health care provider or call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.”
The steps are, collecting and saving pills or buying a weapon; giving away possessions; tying up loose ends, like organizing personal papers or paying off debts; saying goodbye to friends and family.”
Risk factors for those inclined to think about suicide include a family history of suicide; substance use or intoxication; access to firearms; a serious or chronic medical illness; a history of trauma or abuse; prolonged stress, or a recent tragedy or loss.
“Although more women than men attempt suicide, men are four times more likely to die by suicide,” NAMI says. “When a suicide-related crisis occurs, friends and family are often caught off-guard, unprepared and unsure what to do. The behaviors of a person experiencing a crisis can be unpredictable, changing dramatically without warning.”
An internet search provides you with a lot of suggestions about how to start these uncomfortable conversations. NAMI offers several ways to approach a suicide-related crisis. They say:
“Talk openly and honestly. Don’t be afraid to ask questions like, “Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself? Remove means such as guns, knives or stockpiled pills. Calmly ask simple and direct questions like, ‘Can I help you call your psychiatrist?’
“If there are multiple people around, have one person speak at a time; express support and concern; don’t argue, threaten or raise your voice; don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, and if you’re nervous, try not to fidget or pace; be patient.”
NAMI also says, “If your friend or family member struggles with suicidal ideation day-to-day, let them know that they can talk with you about what they’re going through. Make sure that you adopt an open and compassionate mindset when they’re talking.”
If you suspect that person might be more comfortable talking to someone other than yourself, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s website suggests you might help them to make that connection. That’s when a healthcare professional, or those at 988 come in.
The 988 Lifeline website says that a skilled-judgement-free counselor is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential for both you and the person in crisis.
I’ll put a sidebar here, because not all mental health crises involve suicide. You can call 988 to discuss many subjects such as substance use disorders, economic worries, relationship issues, culture and identity issues, intimate partner violence, depression, mental and physical illness, and loneliness.
Being open to honest and compassionate conversations can be crucial to anyone in crisis. Bonner General Health’s Behavioral Health Clinic is an excellent resource, and so are the staff members in the emergency department.
Kathy Hubbard is a member of the Bonner General Health Foundation Advisory Council. She can be reached at kathyleehubbard@yahoo.com. This article was written for publication in the Bonner County Daily Bee on September 10, 2025.
